Sunday, July 11, 2004

Dictator news: Kim the record breaking golfer 

The confession of the week: "Hi everybody, I've had one drink too many and now I have liver palms"

Our dear leader, Kim Jong Il, is the greatest golfer ever. The NYT says so, and now its official:

Mr. Kim took up the game in 1994, and on his very first outing at the Pyongyang course he eagled the opening hole, according to the North Korean media. He then proceeded to ace five holes (or 11, according to some reports) on the way to shooting a 34 - or 38 under par. (The lowest recorded score in P.G.A. history is 59, and that has been attained only three times: by Al Geiberger in 1977, Chip Beck in 1991 and David Duval in 1999.)

Now, let's review some of the world-famous quotations of the dear leader. This should be learned by heart.

We inherited one fatherland from our ancestors. But if our generation hands down two Koreas to the next generation, we will commit a great crime to the nation and our history

Nothing is impossible for a man with a strong will. The possible is in store only for a man who loves the future. There is no word 'impossible' in the Korean language.

The compatriotic love that runs through the hearts of our fellow countrymen remains unchanged. It is true that a barrier divides the land of our fathers, but there is no barrier in the hearts of our compatriots who are linked together with the same bloodline.

Korea is like an organism that can live only as one and which cannot live if divided into two.

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